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1、1YouveGotMailAmazing.Thisisamazing!Listentothis:TheentirewkfceofVirginia......hadsolitaireremovedfromtheircomputers......becausetheyhadntdoneanywkinsixweeks.Thatssosad.DoyouknowwhatthisisTheendofWesterncivilizationaswekn
2、owit.ArentyoulateNamemeonethingthatwevegainedfromtechnology.Electricity.Thatsone.Youthinkthismachinesyourfriendbutitsnot.Imoutofhere.Seeyoutonight!Sushi!Bye!Welcome.Youvegotmail.“Brinkleyismydog.WebothloveNewykstreets.“A
3、lthoughhelikestoeatpizzaoffthesidewalk......Iprefertobuyit.BrinkleyisagreatcatcherwhowasofferedatryoutontheMets.Buthechosetostaywithmesohecouldspend18hoursaday......sleepingonalargepillowthesizeofaninnertube.DontyouloveN
4、ewYkinthefallMakesmewanttobuyschoolsupplies.Imalmostready.Iwouldsendyouabouquetofnewlysharpenedpencils......ifIknewyournameaddress.Ontheotherhthisnotknowinghasitsms.DidyoupushitYesIpushedit.Imsolate.RomHousefiredDickAtki
5、ns.Goodriddance!MurrayChiltondied.ThatsonelesspersonImnotspeakingto.Hurry!Hurry!Hurry!Vincegotagreatreview.Hellbeinsufferable.TonightPENdinner.AmIgoingYoupromised!Itsblacktie.CantIjustgivemoneyinsteadWhatisitthisweekFree
6、AlbanianwritersIminfavofthat.OkayIllgo.Yourelate.IknowIknow.WhosahappydogWelcome.Youvegotmail.Allright.Okay.Getdowngetdown.Dearfriend:Iliketostartmynotestoyou......asifwerealreadyinthedleofaconversation.Ipretendthatweret
7、heoldestdearestfriends......asopposedtowhatweactuallyare:Peoplewhodontknoweachothersnames......metinachatroomwherewebothclaimedwedneverbeenbefe.“WhatwillNY152saytoday“Iwonder.Iturnonmycomputer.Iwaitimpatientlyasitconnect
8、s.Igoonline......mybreathcatchesinmychestuntilIhearthreelittlewds:“Youvegotmail.“IhearnothingnotevenasoundonthestreetsofNewYk.Justthebeatofmyownheart.Ihavemail......fromyou.Theelectricalcontracthitadeerlastnight.Sohewont
9、beheretilltomrow.upstairstheshelvesarelate......becausethepinewederedhasbeetles.Verygood.wegota$50000ticketfwkerspeeingofftheroof.Thatisgreat.IstheelectricianhereIjusttoldyouhehitadeer.Iknewyouwerentlisteningtome.Youreri
10、ght.Iwasnt.“Ihearnothing.Notasoundonthecitystreetsjustthebeatofmyownheart.“Ithinkthatshowitgoes.Somethinglikethat.YouPatriciagotengageddidntyouYoucantellme.EngagedAreyoucrazyIthoughtyoulikedPatricia.Ido.IlovePatricia.Pat
11、riciasamazing.Shemakescoffeenervous.Weshouldannounceourselvestotheneighbhood:“Herewecome.“ThisistheUpperWestSide.Wemightaswelltellthemwereopeningacrackhouse.Theyregoingtohateus.Theyllbelininguptopicketthebigbadchainste..
12、....thatsouttodestroy...Everythingtheyholddear.Weregoingtoseducethemwithoursquarefootage......ourdiscountsourdeeparmchairs......ourcappuccino.Theyregoingtohateusatthebeginning......butwellgetthemintheend.youknowwhy3Aroun
13、dTheCner.Itsbeentherefever.Ceciliasste.WhosthatCeciliaKelly.Lovelywoman.Ithinkwemighthavehadadateonce.maybewejustexchangedletters.YouwroteherlettersMail.Itwascalledmail.Stampsenvelopes...Iveheardofit.Ceciliahadbeautifulp
14、enmanship.Shewastooyoungfme......butshewas......enchanting.EnchantingHerdaughterownsitnow.Toobadfher.ExcusemeMr.Fox.Myfatherisgettingmarriedagain.F5yearshesbeenlivingwithGillian......whostudieddecatingatCaesarsPalace.Isi
15、tpcelainRubber.OnceIreadastyaboutabutterflyinthesubwaytoday......Isawone.Itgotonat42ndoffat59th......whereIassumeitwenttoBloomingdales......tobuyahatthatwillturnouttobeamistake.Asalmostallhatsare.Listentothis:Everynighta
16、truckpullsuptomyneighbhoodbagelplace......pumpsatonofflourintoundergroundtanks.Theairisfilledwithwhitedustwhichneverseemstol.WhyisthatConfession:IvereadPridePrejudiceabout200times.Igetlostinthelanguage.Wdslike......“thit
17、her.““Mischance.““Felicity.“ImalwaysinagonyoverwhetherElizabethMr.Darcy......arereallygoingtogettogether.Readit.Iknowyoullloveit.ThepurposeofplaceslikeStarbucks......isfpeoplewithnodecisionmakingability......tomakesixdec
18、isionsjusttobuyonecupofcoffee.Shttalllitedark......cafdecaf......lowfatnonfat......etcetera.Mochafrappuccinogre.Sopeoplewhodontknowwhatthehelltheyredoing......whoonearththeyarecanfonly$2.95......getnotjustacupofcoffee...
19、...butanabsolutelydefiningsenseofself.Tall!Decaf!Cappuccino!Talldecafcappuccino.Bummer!AFoxBooksSuperste.Quelnightmare.Ithasnothingtodowithus.Itsbig......impersonal......overstockedfullofignantsalespeople.Buttheydiscount
20、.Buttheydontprovideanyservice.Wedo.Soreally......itsagooddevelopment.Youknowhowintheflowerdistrictthereareallthoseshops......soyoucanfindwhateveryouwantThisisgoingtobethebookdistrict.Iftheydonthaveitwedo.viceversa.Absolu
21、tely.WhenyouarefinishedwithFoxBooks......TheShopAroundTheCnerwillberesponsible......freversingtheentirecourseoftheIndustrialRevolution.Wellnowthatissosweet!Thankyou.Thatissosweet.Althoughl...WhatWaitaminute.Whatisthatdoi
22、nghereOhmygosh!Thisisamazing.Listen.TheOlympiaReptDeluxeElectric.Rept.Asingunshot.Thatsoundisfamiliar.Listentothis.WhatthatwhirringThegentlesoothinglullaby......ofapieceofmachinerysoperfect...IknowwhereIveheardthatbefe.I
23、neededabackup.DontyouhaveanotheroneatyourapartmentImight!ThatyouwroteacolumnaboutWhocaresWhatwereyougoingtosayWhenBefe.Nothing.Comeon.Imjustwondering.Imwonderingaboutmywk.WhatisitthatIdoexactlyAllIreallydois...Allyoureal
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